Pain | Love

This pain I feel
Obsolete
This pain I feel
Endangered
This pain I feel
Evolved
This pain I feel

Consumed every part of my soul
Driving me into insanity

But

The thought of you brings me
Joy
The thought of you brings me
Home
This thought of you brings me
Hope

I feel structured when I was stuck
I feel helpless when I was here

Pain or not
Love it may be
Hurt or other
It sounded sane
I know for now
I may be in pain
But I am in love.

So I wait.

Advertisements

The Box – Part 2

Congestion, indigestion, I feel acid punching itself in my stomach, the pain squeezing the last breath I take, the moment where I discover I am obsolete, out-of-place, but still I reminisce on my better days, my happier days, although dark and gloomy it was refreshing to be surrounded by smiles and affection, I didn’t need to ask for love when I was always in lust, the feeling of believing in everything positive,  this was my cure, this memory gave me strength to breathe under this surface, over the seaweed and swarming fishes, over rocks and muddled sand, I knew in some time I would lose myself, for good, forever.  I felt my box getting stronger, as if it created a new layer over itself, as I ponder my decision of death I remembered what brought me here in the first place, why was I lost in this box.

I closed my eyes, at least to realize that I would die in my own terms.

After what seemed to be minutes of delusion, I woke up to the sound of winds and the feeling of dryness, I heard children around me, kicking a ball towards me, I felt it hit me once, but then it disappeared. I heard discussions and frustrations, food being passed by, I was in movement, and then I stopped. I was dropped in somewhere, I feel it was a closet because it was darker, I heard a man in the other room talking to a woman, they started shouting, they started throwing things, then the door slowly opened up, someone walked in to the closet, I felt someone breathing on the box, touching the box, I feel they wanted to know what was in it, who was in it, why would anything be there, then suddenly the loud voice of the man barged in, he carried what I assumed was a child and I could see from the cracks on the box that he was waving, I wanted to scream, a tear fell from my eye, I felt I didn’t have any voice, I wanted him to notice me, to help me, to call for attention, I tried to push the box but it wouldn’t move, I wanted to scratch and open the crack of the box but I couldn’t feel anymore, my fingers were numb, my eyes were weary, my senses were deteriorating, slowly loosing myself once again. I wanted to be saved, it was simple, because the truth was much harder to grasp.

After some time, the man came by and carried me, didn’t he expect to find a human inside? What was he thinking? Does he know? Or is he oblivious to the obvious? I need to give him a sign, maybe he truly doesn’t know that I needed help, but isn’t he listening to the sounds of my feet, I knocked my foot twice to give a rocking motion to the square-shaped box but it didn’t affect him at all, it didn’t give him any sense of discovery or question, I feel hidden, not from him but from reality.

I was taken on the same cart, and he hummed a song, it was Nocturne in G minor, a beautiful piece of music, a classic, it had subtle waterfalls and pianos being played alongside each other, it felt as if I was lost in the wilderness once again, the song had notes of giggles and laughs, it was filled with joy, I knew I was in pain but this song brought me back to living once again.

Once it was over, I woke up, not on the cart anymore, but somewhere else unknown.