Pale walls, white lights, brown doors, that is all I see, or probably that is all I want to see. Walking down the hallway to my desk I couldn’t keep eye contact on anyone, I felt a brush of whisper pass by, a smirk on the left, and an eye roll on the right. I tried to smile back at those sturdy eyes or those tense lips top of the staircase, but I couldn’t, I needed a needle to burst all the awkwardness around me, I am stressed now.
“They say, he was’nt even considered for that part” She said
“Did he even work as hard as they did” He said
“He is so full of Shit” She said
“Does he even like working here” He said
“its easy to have everything” She said
“He told me that this was his idea, when I knew it wasnt” He Said
“I swear if I only knew I wouldn’t have been a good friend to him” She said
“I dont think he is genuine” He said
“ He is ugly, just don’t laugh when he passes by” She said
“I think its time for us to step forward and complain” He said
“the idea wasnt even creative” She said
“I would have fired him” He said
“He’s sick? I don’t think so” She said
“Fake it to make it I guess, right” He said
“He is wasting all of our time” She said
“Why is he relevant” He said
“He doesn’t have any respect” She said
“Motivated by jealousy” He said
“I heard his attitude is worse in team work assignments” She said
“His anger is the worst” He said
“I thought he wasn’t allowed back to work” She said
“Why is his eyes red?” He said
“Is he trying to smile at us?” She said
“What a great effort coming back to work!” He said
“I am sure he is not even supposed to be back” She said
“Do you think I care how he feels” He said
“Let him pass by, not sure how long he will stay here” She said
“Throwing him under the bus was the best thing I’ve done for some time now” He said
“His responsibility, his loss” She said
“His pain, his problem” He said
“I heard he takes medication for his depression” She said
“I heard he wanted to commit suicide” He said
“Didn’t he decide he was out of here” She said
“Just smile and be yourself” He said
I sat, my desk seems heavy, although its empty, i felt the minor scratches on top of the white-painted table, I knew it wasn’t I who did this, I’m sure it was someone who sat here while I was away. I didn’t understand the forged frustration towards me, the scratch was an infinity symbol, I am still confused.
I am lost, I know I should just brush it off and work around this irrelevant situation I am in but I couldn’t, I needed someone to talk to. Walking in my colleague’s office I decided to talk to her.
“Why do I feel unwanted” He said
“from whom” She said
“From everyone” He said
“I don’t make you feel unwanted, do I?” She said
“No, definitely not!” He said
“its your first day back, just take it easy” She said
“I know” He said
“You did a great job, so let them say whatever they wanted to say” She said
“Your probably right, I just have to focus on being positive” He said
“Just eliminate all the noise, the rumours, the stares and the blames, and you’ll be fine” She said
I walked back to my desk, I saw that infinity sign again, I smiled.
I opened my laptop and continued working.
White noise is an outcome of selfish souls with a much darker voice, their tone is belittle with confusion and distraction of the obvious, their ambitions are to reflect on the negativity of others, to continue in the path of the black brick road of panic.
To me that meant continuation, to a better life, to a more achievable goal, to a desirable outcome, to more positiveness. Although it was a rough morning but I have to stand strong towards those who stand against my goals, it is within my hand to make change happen, and my choice to accept or disapprove unwanted comments. We have the chance to continue to listen to the white noise or to continue to listen to our hearts.
Let the hearsay begin.